"Heroes": Don't Try This At Home

Published: October 2, 2007 at 07:24 PM GMT
Last Updated: October 16, 2007 at 07:24 PM GMT

By Lisa LaValle

The title of this episode was "Lizards" and I'm struggling to figure out what that had to do with any storylines other than Claire's. Do lizards shoot blue flame/spark things from their hands? I don't think so. Do they cry black tears and kill people? Not the last time I checked. Do they live in Haiti? Why yes they do. I still think it's a weird title choice, because lizards certainly don't travel back in time and disguise themselves as samurai warriors.

We last left Peter getting his ass kicked in a storage facility, and this week we find him getting his ass kicked in the back room of a bar. Apparently the thugs thought he stole something that they were actually trying to steal, but poor Petey doesn't remember a thing. If he doesn't start remembering soon, some fella by the name of McSorley is gonna be pissed. He gets a little TLC from Caitlin, the head thug's sister, but as she's sponging the blood off his face, she realizes there are no wounds underneath. This is news to Peter, but not to us. I'm a little worried here – since Peter seems to have lost his memory, do we have to watch him learn about his powers all over again? That was what last season was all about.

He is figuring them out though, slowly but surely. He phases his hands out of the ropes on his wrists, then saves his Irish lass from some new thugs that have come to bother the other thugs. With a quick blue flash/telekinesis of gun/super punch combo, he takes them all out, leaving both Caitlin and himself more than a little bewildered.

Note to producers: I think I speak on behalf of all heterosexual female Heroes fans when I say please feel free to include many more storylines that feature Milo Ventimiglia without his shirt on. Thank you for your time.

Maya and Alejandro, who shall heretofore be known as the Wonder Twins, are still on the run for the border, and I don't mean they're jonesing for Taco Bell. They stop at the house of a woman named Nidia who seems to be an old family friend and who promises to help them cross. Nidia has a friend at the house who is a healer and offers to help Maya but tells her she is cursed and warns Nidia not to help them. She does anyway, leading them to a tunnel that goes underground into the United States. Nidia and Maya make it into the tunnel but Alejandro has to wait until some cops finish doing a really poor job of surveying the area (Alejandro was hiding behind like four pieces of grass a couple yards away from them!). The Wonder Twins have been separated – I think we know what that means. Sure enough, Maya gets scared and starts to cry, but her tears sure don't look like mine. Her eyes go all black and black tears stream down her face; she warns Nidia to run but it's too late. Nidia drops dead with black coming out of her own eyes.

Alejandro manages to find them and we see their powers in action for the first time. They hold hands and Alejandro seems to soak up Maya's tears into his own eyes, while also reviving Nidia, who calls them the devil and runs away. That's the thanks they get for bringing her back to life? Some people are so ungrateful.

Mohinder gets his first assignment from Mr. Midas (real name: Bob) – he has to go to Haiti to try to cure a hero who has been stricken with the virus. Hmm, who do we know who might be in Haiti? The Haitian! (Remember him? He worked with Mr. B last season and has the power to erase people's minds.) He and Mohinder have a somewhat pointless religious debate about the treatment (Haitian says, "God gave me this power and apparently I'm not supposed to use it anymore." Mo says, "But God gave me the power to heal you so what's up now?") and the Haitian gives in. Are lizards known for being ungrateful? Because that seems to be a recurring theme – as thanks for curing him, the Haitian erases Mo's memory so that he's sitting with Mr. Midas, still in Haiti, but thinks he's in New York and has just been given his assignment. Midas knows that means the Haitian has been cured, so score one for the Company.

Speaking of the Company, Matt Parkman is investigating the death of Mr. Nakamura (a death that was predicted in one of Isaac Mendez's paintings – the first in a series of eight that Mr. B and Mohinder are looking for). Their prime suspect is Angela Petrelli, so she's brought in for questioning-slash-mind-reading by Parkman. They found the picture of Mr. Nakamura's face with the symbol drawn on it, so he asks her what it means. Out loud, she says it was the logo of her husband's law firm, but in her head Parkman hears, "He did something terrible and now someone wants revenge." Parkman goes a little overboard with his questioning, so Angela requests a lawyer out loud and then mind-yells at Parkman, "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Needless to say, he's thrown for a loop.

Parkman goes to meet still-bearded Nathan who has come to pick up his mother, but soon enough, they hear Angela screaming like a banshee from inside the interrogation room. The doors are mysteriously locked, so Parkman busts through the one-way mirror with a chair – but there's no attacker in sight. Angela's head is all bloody and we saw some really cool shots from the perspective of her assailant – is this the new bad guy? Oh I hope so! Apparently he can make himself disappear and he's also freakishly strong, and if it's the same guy Molly knows about, he can see where she is at all times. All good qualities in a villain, if I do say so myself.

Poor Claire is sick of acting normal. In science class, they're learning about lizards that can regenerate, and Claire asks a bunch of questions that pique the interest of that weird flying stalker kid, West. He tries to talk to her about Chandra Suresh's book but she blows him off in the parking lot, right before she realizes her brand new Nissan Rogue (can I get any love for the product placement?) is missing. She goes to the Copy King to tell her dad but instead of sympathy or an offer to call the cops, she gets a lecture on not testing the limits of her power. We all know that one went in one ear and out the other.

This week's Last Five Minutes weren't quite as crazy as last week's, but we still got some great set-up for the next episode. Peter learns that he beat up McSorley's son and he'll have to pay for it, unless he helps Caitlin's brother with one last favor. In return, he'll get everything he had on him when the thugs found him – including his identity.

After defeating the bad guys and winning the girl, Hiro goes to the real Kensei to let him take over from there. His new girlfriend rewards him with her father's sword and then Hiro and Kensei go off on their next mission, to save her father. Unfortunately, the bad guys return and shoot three arrows smack dab in the middle of Kensei's chest. Hiro freaks out because Kensei can't die or else none of the legends will be true. As he's staring at Kensei's chest, something happens – I'm not sure if the blood moved or what – but Kensei opens his eyes. Does he have a power, or did Hiro do it?

The Haitian shows up at the Copy King and I wish they had somehow played, "Reunited and it feels so good" over the loudspeaker, but my wish was not granted. Mr. B is ready to find the other seven Mendez paintings.

Finally, the basis for the title I chose for this column: Claire cuts off her toe. I'm serious. She takes some sewing scissors and just cuts her baby toe off. She wants to see if her healing power will regenerate a limb, and she's right – the toe grows right back. She's not the only one who saw it though. West is peeping in the window, but when she runs out to the driveway, she sees Suresh's book but West is no where to be found.

So, kids, don't cry if your tears are black, don't read people's minds if they're going to mind-shout back at you, don't travel back in time and change things even if your hero turns out to be a British drunk, and especially don't try to cut off your pinky toe with sewing scissors. More lessons next week when Mohinder finds another Mendez painting and we finally see Niki and Micah.

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